I can’t leave the house

How do people leave the house and aren’t entirely let down by the human race? I don’t get it. Do they just not care?

Do I care too much?

Do they care and then say fuck it? How?

I literally cannot go anywhere without being bombarded by annoyance, anger frustration, sadness and happiness if it’s there. I just soak it all up and then seep it out of me. It’s infuriating and wonderful at once but still how do others not get affected by it? How do I get an invisibility coat barrier to protect me?

I know the trick is be the change you want to see in the world…but how can I change so much when there are so many endless people who don’t want to change, who are incapable of change, who just don’t care to change?

I try and stay positive in my mind. I am after all a wonderfully bubbly, upbeat, energetic soul with great compassion, love and joy for life. They say change your thoughts to change your mood. But it’s not like that for me, it’s an endless argument, before I’m even able to re-adjust my thoughts they scream into me as I see all the negatives (sometimes positives) around me. I want to curl up and cry, right here in the middle of the street.

I just want to hermit myself and scream out loud so people hear the pain.

See the pain.

Feel it and question it.

Most would keep on walking, amble minded, seemingly able to ignore pain and suffering. How…utterly be rifts me. Others may stop and try to help, but if they don’t understand, if they can’t comprehend then it’s a bit of a lost cause isn’t it. And then the minute few, who can relate, who do feel it, who want to help…are so insignificantly small that it doesn’t matter that they stop, help, change or influence….because we are so infinitesimally small. People like me, people who care are extremely rare. Because humans themselves are extremely rare and infinitesimally small…. the universe…the space..the stars…planets, suns, moons and finally earth. A tiny spec in a ginormous vast…well space. The scale is incomprehensible.

Humans are unique, rare and whilst a plague on earth just a minuscule blip in the time space continuum. So I feel even smaller knowing the chances of life are so small….and yet we are teething with life but there are so few who care. That then minuscules me..who I am and what I can change. What we can change….it’s all seeminglessly a bit pointless isn’t it?

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