Literally borderline 

Literally no-one can help me.

I am borderline. 

In every sense of the word.   I’m not so retareded (not meant as offence) I can’t literally do anything that I need help but I’m also not able to function fully on my own.   It sucks balls.

The worst part of it is those working as mental health carers don’t have the time or resources for me, and I feel guilty if they do because they have much worse patients to look after.  But at the other end of the spectrum, they think I should be helping myself, or functions better. But I can’t and I don’t understand how to.

It’s the same with housing, I’m not homeless and god knows there’s a homeless problem, but where I live is detrimental to my mental health.  I need to get out, but it’s not urgent so the government can’t help me, and there are people sleeping on the streets, when I live in a shed.  I have shelter, cover from the elements and electricity.  Fuck I’m lucky. But equally I can’t stay where I am, for everyday it chips away at my mental health.  Everyday I am bullied.  Everyday bombarded with negatives.  But I can’t justify an out, because again there are people so much more worse off than me.  It’s not fair for me to claim resources they need.

I’m in this big abyss of no help.  And I’m finding a lot of people are stuck here.  There needs to be a fucking change.

I do however, believe this abyss is full of world changing people.  People who care, are compassionate and sharing, full of alternatives and eccentricities that could benefit the world.  People with ideas that just don’t go with the norm so they are ignored but they really shouldn’t be.  The most amazingly clever beautiful and nice people are those with disabilities.  The worst people in the world are those without any struggles.

Traction is growing. Our borderline is widening.  Building.  Hopefully towards a better future for us all.

How can I have hope when the world is so fucked?  Just focus on me for now, then I can help others.

UDSF x

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