I woke up. devestated. upset and on the verge of tears. I dont know if youve even woken up crying, but its pretty horrible and confusing.
When your subconscious is haunting you, there is no peace.
When you sleep soundly, your brain can go into places it never new existed and can escape from your tormented reality if only for a few hours.
Sometimes when i sleep, im not allowed to do such a thing. I don’t get dreams. No they’re never there.
I get nightmares. I couldnt for the life of you tell you what they were. Something family orientated, there was argueing, stress, fights, abuse and put me downs. I think thats what I can feel. Theres flickers in my head. Some family members in particular re-occur regularly. Instead of getting a good nights rest away from my troubles, woes and complications of daily life, I have been thrown into an extreme fast paced universe, where they all come haunting me, chasing me through my unconscious. There is no corner or crevice of my mind that will allow me to hide from them.
It was an exhausting sleep, and iv awoken only to be running and terrified of all the same things that had me distraught in the night. There is no break from my mental reality. Even in subconscious Im battling a war I dont even know about, how can I expect anyone external from me to understand.
Its an internal divide and torture that I cant seem to sow up together.
When your mentally ill….there is no escape.
You just have to suck it up and manage it.
Sorry. I ave nothing else to say.