People are always so confused when they find out Im slightly crazy. Which is always a shock to me. I literally wear my mental health. I scream indifference, and yet when they hear I am undergoing diagnosis they’re perplexed that someone as vibrant, exuberant and outgoing as I could have a mental illness and an inner turmoil so deep they couldn’t even comprehend the abyss it can open up inside me. I’m mean really? Is it that hard to not notice my mental health? And then I think about all the other people walking around with mental illness, somehow I’ve come out the other end, most people shy away, wear dark dull clothes, try and hide away, blend in. I don’t. I’m not sure why either. I try and express all my emotions and personalities through how I move, what I wear, and how I act and react towards people. And yet they still can’t quite see it. Mind boggling.
Or they don’t want to believe it. Yes I prefer that. I think when people realise I do actually have some serious psychologically issues, they get scared. How can someone like me have problems? I have actually had people deny to me that I have a problem. Yes to my face they’ve said, no your lying there’s nothing wrong with you. And that’s it their in denial that someone as happy and loud and crazy as I could have problems, and that’s where the stigma starts.
Just because I don’t act like, look like, seem like I have a mental illness. Doesn’t mean it’s not there. That’s the problem with mental health, you can’t see. Literally. It is trapped in the brain and that’s where it stays. The only person who can access it, is the brains owner, everyone else has no clue. Unless you want them too.
I guess I express myself so much because I’m tired of hiding, of getting the denial response, of people looking at me and thinking I’m normal. I’m fed up of being hidden in the stigma shadows, so I shout from all my crevices, look at me, I’m mental and I don’t care. In fact I love my mental little brain, even when it’s being really fucking mean to me, I’ve learnt to love and accept it.
I no longer live in denial of my mental illness. I wish others would stop denying it, open up and change the stigma.
We’re all in this together, 1in4 of us will come across some mental illness in their lifetime, so why not stop being so shocked when it comes out and instead be supportive? Yes, support is better than denial please.