I haven’t written much lately, I’ve been a little scared and preoccupied. But what I have noticed is how negative my posts are. So I just wanted to interject with a slightly positive one and to re-assure any readers that this isn’t meant to be an entirely dark place.
I started this blog to try and show people how hard it is and how bad it can get living with mental illness. There are hundreads of blogs and posts and accounts which document positive posts of living with mental illness, which are all fantastic and definitely worth while but what I found is no one really likes to admit to the worst bits. No one likes to express how fucking shitty and crappy it can get and how much you suck at being a functional human being when you have a mental illness. And that’s where and who I am I guess. In general I can quite easily express my psychotic thoughts with people around me. With those closest to me I can be even make quite dry sadistic jokes about ending my life, deep down believe me they aren’t jokes. See I have no qualms with showing someone how much of a cunt my brain can be, but no one ever really asks, nor does anyone ever actually know about it. That’s why I started this blog.
Why? Everyone is always surprised and shocked when they discover my mentality isn’t as great as I seem. And that’s where the hidden stigma lies. I’m tired of always being positive, of always having to have my best face on. Sometimes I’m really not ok, a lot of time many people really aren’t ok, but there’s this barrier in the way when trying to tell and show people how bad you really are. That’s what I wanted this blog to do. To share an insight into my darkest parts. But I shit you not I’m actually a wonderfully upbeat and bubbly person. So if your finding me rather negative, I’m sorry, I’m still sifting through all the stories and epiphanies I encountered over the last 5 years of my darkest times. I’m much more positive now, but I think it’s incredibly important to share your worst parts with the world as well, otherwise no one will ever really understand you. No ones ever going to really understand mental health unless we share every part of it.
Join me in sharing this darkness, join me in shedding the light on the torment so many of us go through but are too scared to share. Join me when I say to you, people are often amazed when I reveal this side of me, and I am almost always encouraged to share my thoughts and feelings ALL OF THEM, so that’s what I’m doing.
Join me and let’s fight this stigma and stunted ignoration in society to the importance of mental health.
Peace and love everyone
It gets better. Not right away, and not without a mother fucking load of effort, but it does get better.