I really didnt want to go.
Turns out alot of people there didn’t want to go either. That was the first sign I did the right thing. They too hate people. I thought I was alone, it was just me, I had a problem. No no, I wasn’t alone.
You begin to relate and as simple as that is, it really helps. I didn’t realise how much until it happened. Alot of things i thought were wrong with ‘me’ are actually just part of my bpd and its not my fault. Like sleeping and eating problems, triggers and downfalls.
Its crazy how less alone you feel when you know its not your fault per ce. It’s your illness, yes. And whilst you can’t fully stop or control it, you can manage it. People in my group showed me that. I didn’t think I would ever make it to 50 years old, but here are people in my group still alive, still surviving and they’re older than that. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to keep or maintain a job/career. But again here where people in my group, riddle with all the problems I have, and they are in careers, jobs they love, and are succeeding at. That gave me hope.
So on my first group meeting I realised, I’m not alone, I’m not entirely broken or incapable of surviving and I can achieve all I want to achieve, despite this big fat shit head of a mess I’m in.
I still don’t like group therapy, i wouldn’t recommend it solely for a persons recovery, but i do think as part of your recovery it can serve to help you along the way aslong as you seek individual help too. My group helped me through some touchingly hard yet groundbreaking revelations, and now i am on a path of my recovery i would not of encountered if it werent for them.
I’ve been in many group therapys, or at least I’ve tried too, but only one helped me. And that’s really important when it comes to group therapy. If you are offered it, go, and don’t be afraid to say no, I don’t agree with this group and find another one. A few other people in my group had also been to other group therapy and had had the same problem connecting with the other peers. It was only when we all found this group that we discovered how important it can be to find a group that’s suitable for you. Don’t dismiss group therapy, probably half the group there has the same doubts and fears as you, you’ve just got to find them.
We’re better together