‘You’re the life of this group’. The only words I’d needed to hear for a long time. And there they where. Ringing through the air like the sound of music. I’d been waiting for this confirmation from people on the same wave length as me.
See I’ve been told similar things to this before by my work colleagues or friends etc. The most common description I get from others when I ask is ‘you’re weird, but in a good way’. At work I’m known as the ‘strangest supervisor, but it isnt half fun working under you’ and I’ve had one person exclaim she would of quit her job if I hadnt turned up. See I’m peculiar to regular folk because they’ve never come across someone with a personality disorder, so of course I’m different and special to them. It’s nice to feel that way, and though I’ve now conjured up a secret love of my indifference, it’s hard to believe it’s true when the only comparison you have is normal folk. There will always be a difference.
But this time, the depiction of who I am and what I can bring, meant something entirely different. It came from someone like me, and my immediate response inside was, shit do you not know your all the life of this group? You’re the life of this fucking planet.
A whole gallon of tears flooded my insides.
It was reinforcing something we’d spoken about earlier in the group, in fact the person who said those words was the very same that suggested how positive our ‘diagnosis’ can be. This is something I’ve been mulling over for a long time, the positive impact our ‘illness’ can have on ourselves, others and the world around us.
We’re confusing and complicated, half the time we don’t really know what the fuck is going on. But when we do, or when we find those glimmers of brilliance, we turn life on its head. Perspectives are put upside down. We shift something more than we intended, just by being us.
People deem personality disorders as disorders. I think of them as just an indifference, and because others can’t quantify or understand them it’s obviously a ‘disorder’ to them. I am not a disorder, I am amazing. The only time I feel bad for my mentality is when others make me because they don’t know or can’t see.
People with personality disorders or mental health aren’t always a burden, but are actually a blessing. Yes I have anger outburst and can be mean or stubborn or wrong, but I can also be insightful, caring beyond believe, ingenius, perplexing and problem solving.
You say I have a mental health condition, I say I’m just incredibly different. Different doesn’t mean disordered. I’m different, and I love it.
I can’t stress how important it is for anyone with mental illness not to get bogged down by all the hub hub of negativity around mental illness, and to remember how incredible you can be.
I urge you to celebrate in glee the postivie sides of ourselves and not just what others deem as mental health to be just negative.