Why I paint.
Some days, all I want to do is smother myself in paint and roll around for the foreseeable future, maybe eat a doughnut or cake. I don’t because thats messy and little too weird, so instead I smear it on my hands and get down to work on a canvas. I pick colours that I’m drawn too, ones that make me feel like I’m feeling something, and as I flourish it together I begin picking up on emotions. I don’t like that, i love this. This is sad and thats a bit harsh. This is bubbly and makes me nostalgic. Normally I can’t find emotions. I’m an empty vessel thats secretly got cupboards full of information, which I can’t access.
The colours seep out of the cracks and the waters burst the hinges off. Theres significance and meaning. It’s chaotic but theres some sort of order to it. For once I’m quiet, even though theres so much motion around and in me. It feels good. I am ok. Im safe. Im coping and Im content. I am in complete balance and divinely pleased with every part of me.
I had drawn and doodled since I was a kid, but never had the concentration patience or time to really get into it. Among my teens, it got lost. I studied photography and media, and found I hated all the wish wash that went with ‘art’. In my eyes, paint to paint, not to evoke or portray anything. How naive I was. At uni, I had a tough time and found I resolved to painting to pass some painful time. But again, I had no patience.
It was only 2years ago I really began painting. Why? because it gave me a way to express what was inside me without really having to try. What a complete turn around. I was still hesitant on all the shit that went along with artsy farty stuff. But I could now begin to feel with my paints.
It doesn’t matter if i like what i create, if its good, pretty, sellable, nice or whatever, all that does matter is what happens to me when i do paint. I urge anyone with mental health to get creating. It may seem odd at first, alien even, but thats probably because you’re over thinking it, let go, explore and release all the judgement and grief you normally give yourself on a daily basis about mundane things and revel in the silly notion of just creating for the sake of doing something other than hating yourself. There are no rules, there is no right or wrong, it simply is whatever it is as it comes out 🙂